Archive for May, 2010

Out of hand

Ok, I know I haven’t been on here ever, but really who cares? I kind of like that I have no viewers. I’m antisocial like that. I wouldn’t dislike having them, JSYK.. haha

Anyway. I have bee out of control lately. I need to lose at least 10 lbs, and stop this emotional eating. I knew I wasn’t even hungry tonight, but did a mini (ok, medium)-binge. I just did it. I was asking myself, “Why do you want to do this? What’s bothering you? You know you’re full.”

And I didn’t have an answer. It’s like I just don’t want to think about anything, so I eat. And it’s making me miserable.

I don’t know how to fix it, but I’m trying to work on it.  I guess more thinking in the moment is needed. More connection to what I’m feeling. Maybe I’m scared of what I’m feeling, because I don’t know how to fix that either. I feel powerless. I HATE that.

I need a change, but change scares me. I’m sad, so I eat, which makes me sad. I’m lonely, but also antisocial. WTF is WRONG with me?   Jesus, I need to get a hold of myself.

Night. Work early.


May 25, 2010 at 9:31 pm Leave a comment